its back

Yea, I said it, my chron's is acting up again. as for now its suttle and managable but still very distracting, especially when i am at working or talking to someone that i don't want to know about my illness. Not because I am embarrassed by the disease, but because people start acting weird when they found out bout stuff like that, like i am a bomb clicking closer and closer to death by the seconds. Case and point: today a co worker asked me why i have looked so down the past couple of days and why i have been holding my stomach. He was convinced that i was pregnant, and to avoid further confusion and rumors, i told him the truth. After I told him the truth he flat out asked me if he needed to treat me differently to better accomadate my needs, and the rest of the day he was dead silent. its so aggravating.
other than that life pretty much still sucks. i do have a job, but its a dead end kinda job. i know i know i shouldn't be complaining about a job right now. but i just feel like i have taken a HUGE step back. but i was contacted yesterday about a possible job opening in a succesful lawn care company in the area so i am hoping that i get that job. I am still going to keep the dead end job if i do. i need to make as much money as possible so i can get out of this hell hole of a house and out of my parents rule and finally be on my own again.
I guess thats it for now...

scared, tired, stressed, broke, depressed and just trying to live another day

I lost my job over a month ago, right before my hernia was scheduled to get repaired. Since then I have applied to over 30 jobs that claimed to be hiring, when really they just forgot to take the sign down. Every major company is on a hiring freeze. It sucks, these times suck. I am flat out BROKE.
The day I moved out of my parents house was the happiest day of my life. I was finally free from her oppression, degrading insults and her way of life. Finally I was getting a chance to be me. I told myself as I drove away that I would never move back, that I would rather live on the street. Well folks, I lied, I could never live on the street, I am the worlds biggest baby. So, in two weeks, I'm moving back home.
Our relationship has changed a lot, but we don't see each other everyday so obviously there is no where near as many arguments. I am so afraid of moving back in, and the same fights starting all over again. Honestly I don't think I can handle it again. I was depressed behind closed doors in high school. But then I was thinking that that was high school, times have changed. I have changed, and my lifestyle has changed. But thats just it, I have alot more stress on my plate now, can I really handle my current stresses ontop of dealing with her? I just feel like I am going to crack.
Its not only my stress level I am worried about. Its also my dads. I am sure that he can't wait for me to move back in, but when me and her fight he gets put in the middle and forced to choose sides. Either way someone he loves gets hurt. He has learned to try to stay out of our fights but that doesn't always work. And it puts alot of stress on him, on top of the million and ten things he already has to worry about.
So in the end it comes down to I need to get back on my feet asap, and move out of my parents house, for the sake of my health, my dad's health and I guess mine and my moms relationship.
Hopefully I will get to Texas soon, and I can figure out the next step from there.

chrones and arthritis?

A few months ago the joints in my hands and feet started locking up really bad. I had mentioned it to a friend when it started happening. She later told me that she was lookingf up stuff online and it said that chrones and arthritis are connected. Could that be true? I mean I guess it makes sense, Humira is a drug used for Chrones AND Rheumatoid Arthritis. So I guess since the same drug treats them than maybe the same thing causes them. But I am 19 years old could I really be getting Arthritis already? If any one knows anything about this topic please let me know.

Trying to get to Texas

I guess people could say that I am trying to run away from my problems. But I don't think I am, I think I am trying to make my problems better in the long run by running asay from them and trying ot move to Texas. Whats in Texas you ask? Well for starters My biological Mom lives there. I only just got in contact with her 2 years ago so it would be a big step moving there. But anyway, I have officially hit rock bottom, I lost my job, and about to loose my place of residence, my phone got shut off and I am in massive debt with medical bills and my dad. (my dad has been paying alot of my bills this year)
By moving to texas, I can start a new life, get a fresh start I guess is what you would say. I want to go back to school to be a teacher. Although I think that if I move to Texas I am going ot beauty school first and then I will work my way through college. My mom does hair and she is fantastic at it, she wants to take part in my training.
But unfortunatly I can't move to Texas because I don't have any money to support myself off the bat and my mom doesn't have money at the moment. Her and her husband keep telling me wait til spring, we will be in a better position to help you then. But I can't wait til spring I am drowning now, I need help now. If I had 2000 dollars, I could move to texas on my own. I woulod have to find a job right away but i could do it.
I don't know lets see how long it takes me to move...

MY STORY

I was diagnosed with Chrones Disease in October 2007 at 18 years old. I got it from my dad, who was diagnosed with it at 11 i think. (he was one of the youngest people diagnosed at the time)

It has been nothing but a struggle for me since day 1. I have been hospitalized 5 times for it in a year, and i have had to have 3 colonoscopies and 2 resulting surgeries.

For a while i was doing everything that the doctor said, I changed my diet, went on prednisone and Humira, and saw him on a regular basis. But I never seemed to feel better and I just ended up back in the hospital. Well, that doctor was a DUMBASS. Maybe I didn't ask enough questions, but he failed to tell me that the Chrones was infecting both my large and small intestines and what the prednisone was doing to my body. It wasn't til I switched doctors that I found this out. THe prednisone thing isn't that bad I GUESS, but to not mention that the chrones was infecting my large intestines as well...thats just being lazy, I think this is something I should know.

So in May of 2008 I got sick again and I was told that my new doctor wants a colonoscopy. My thought was 'whatever, I have already been down this road, its not that big a deal'. I woke up in excruciating pain, not being able to breath, and everyone freaking out around me. No one would tell me what was wrong and my stomach was inflated like a balloon. Long story short they perferated my colon. My GI came in the room and she's like we might have to temporarily disconnect your colon and give you a colastomy bag for a week or so... I wake up from surgery in ALOT of pain, instantly I lift up my hospital gown to see the damage and to my luck all there was was a HUGE gauze pad taped to my stomach, with my colon completly intact. thank god.

The damage to my colon wasn't that bad and they were able to find it and fix it with out taking anything out.

Since then I haven't really gotten sick, I have had a few minor stomach aches, but I have been pretty lucky. I did just have to get a hernia fixed that I got because I lifted to soon after the surgery in May. Word of the wise, if you have a hernia, don't wait three months to fix it. I was hospitalized for 5 days and it was the most painful 5 days of my life, and even now almost a month later I am still in minor pain.

I haven't really gotten sick since May, the truth is is that I took things into my own hands in May. I stopped going to the doctor, and I stopped taking Humira. I watch what I eat, and when I do get sick I know how to handle it, I know how to control it, I know how to calm my stomach down. But I am not saying however that everyone should stop going to the doctor and stop taking there meds, because everyones case is different, there is alot of cases that are worse than mine and when I feel like I can't handle it anymore I will go back to the doctor and I will start listening to them again-